This entry was posted on 4/9/2006 9:06 AM and is filed under uncategorized.
Is there such a thing as accidental suicide by degrees? Because, I think I have it in for myself, y'all.
Remember when I shot myself? In the head? Well, my inner psyco apparently wants to finish the job and yesterday decided to use a blunt object.
We were at my mother-in-law's house. Pookie was changing the oil in her riding mower for her and to distract J.D. from 'helping' Daddy, I decided to push him on the swings.
My father-in- law made these swing seats a long time ago, before he passed away. I've never met him, though I wish I had. So while I'm getting the boy settled on the seat, I'm thinking how nice it is that even though he'll never know his Papa, he gets to play on something that Papa built.
As I'm thinking about it (and possibly getting a little teary, possibly because I am a big sap), I go to walk under the swing so that I can give the boy a proper push. But? The thing is, I'm tall, y'all. Not tall enough to duck when I go through doorways or anything, but plenty tall.
Here's how it went: Me: La la, beautiful spring day, sun is shining, boy is adorable, going to push him on the swing that his Papa made with love and his own two hands, let me duck under here so I can push him from behind and OW OW Motherfucker OW. (does this sound familiar?)
I walked right smack into one of the dealie-bobs that the seesaw used to be attached to.
I couldn't even cuss because my mother-in-law was there and she wouldn't say 'shit' if she had a mouth full of it.
She says: 'Oh, My!, Are you ok?'
I say: 'Yes, I'm fine, I'm just an idiot who doesn't look where she's going'
I think: Motherfucker. Shit. Son of a two toed bitch. Fuck me running, this hurts. Kill me now and put me out of my clumsy assed misery. And various other filthy utterances.
So now, both sides of my head hurt.
But! Pookie made the digital camera alive again (sort of like Frankenstein, only completely different) and took a picture of the shotgun
wound for y'all. Now, as you look at it and think "My God, she's such a baby, I've had bigger boo boos from an ingrown hair", I say to you, "Bite me. That shit really hurt".
Bonus cute pictures of the
boy holding a baby
pig that we had in for a bath the other day (Only in Texas, people):
