This entry was posted on 3/19/2006 8:04 PM and is filed under uncategorized.
My oldest brother (let's call him Joel, because that's his name and we've established that I suck at nicknames) is a car salesman. A few years ago, he sold a car to a couple. The couple has since divorced and the husband came to my brother recently to buy another car.
It turns out he lives not far from my brother and told him that he was going to leave something there for him.
My brother said ok and thought nothing more of it beyond a mild curiosity.
Well, the guy left a rose in an empty Dr. Pepper can by his back door. Which? Um. Ok. Sure. Why not? The guy's a gardener and he's proud of his roses. All right then. That makes sense and it's not at all weird.
Then, and this is where I start laughing my ass off, the guy leaves a package of microwave popcorn in Joel's mailbox*.
This one isn't so easy to figure out. Unless he is a popcorn pusher and giving Joel a little taste to get him hooked, I cannot make this one make sense. Even a little.
Now, my brother, like all good heterosexuals, is straight. But, it would seem he has an admirer. A guy in his sixties has a crush on my brother. Y'all, I have laughed myself sick over this. It was the popcorn that put me over the edge.
So, today, he came to Joel's place of work and left him...another rose. Which, apparently, amused his co-workers no end. As well it should have. BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY, PEOPLE!
The funniest bit is how very rattled this has my brother. He has NO idea how to handle this. He doesn't want to be mean to the guy. He's not a bit homophobic, but he in no way wants to encourage the guy, even through inaction.
Y'all, he's flummoxed, and I do not use the word lightly. He keeps saying things like 'What does it mean??' and 'What if he's not even gay and he's just fucking with me?'. We've agreed that if the guy is just fucking with him, he's really good at it and should probably fuck with people professionally.
Well, Internet? Do we have any advice for my very nice brother who has found himself in a very awkward position through no fault of his own? I have to admit, I got nothing. Except a possibly permanent pulled something or other from laughing so hard. Can you pull a rib? Is that possible?
Oh, those of my readers whom are related to me (and therefore Joel) should call him and fuck with him. A lot. If you need his number, call me. I will stop laughing long enough to give it to you. Because I love.
* No, that is not a euphemism, although I think it will be from now on. ("Hey, you get any popcorn in your mailbox,girl?" "You know it! I'm poppin all over the place!" "Oh, snap!")
