This entry was posted on 2/23/2006 6:05 PM and is filed under uncategorized.
Since y'all have all been so nice, I'm gonna reward you with an embarrassing story! Exciting, no?
Before I start that, though (a collective groan runs through the internet) (Don't you love how I assume the ENTIRE internet is riveted in their seats waiting to hear what I have to say?) (Egomaniac, party of one!), hmm, I think I forgot what I was gonna say. Oh yeah, if any of you people have any experience with Quick Blog, shoot me an e-mail please so I can pick your brain. Thanks in advance!
Ok, back to the story!
I used to live in a very old house. It was big, it was old, it had creaky floorboards, kinda of a spooky staircase. Remember when you were a kid and you'd see an old house and you just
knew it was haunted? This was that house.
As you might know already from
this post, I believe that there are things out there that we can't explain. You wanna call them ghosts, or poltergeists, or a reflection from a weather balloon, it's all the same to me. I just know that I'm a big old scaredy cat.
So, this one time, I was going up to the attic for some reason. This house was three stories, counting the attic and the staircase went all the way up, with two landings.
I get to the top of the stairs with my dog following me (story of my life, there is always a dog at my heels), and stop at the attic door. We had an external hook and eye lock high up on the door so the kids couldn't get in there. There was no lock on the inside of the door. This knowledge will be important in a minute.
I unlock the door and turn the knob to open the door and it, well, it won't open. Hmm. I jiggle the doorknob, even though that was obviously not the problem. I realize that the door is open, it just won't
open.
It feels like maybe there's there's something holding it closed from the other side? Like, I can open it a couple of centimeters? Like, OH MY GOD THERE IS SOMEONE OR SOMETHING HOLDING THIS DOOR CLOSED FROM THE OTHER SIDE!!!
I dropped what I was holding (maybe Christmas decorations?), turned and tripped over the dog, who had caught my panic vibe and was in the midst of ABANDONING ME. Fucking dog.
We get ourselves untangled and practically kill ourselves running back down the stairs. Hitting posts at the landings, the whole deal.
I grab the first person I come to, who happens to be my son. He's about 10 years old at the time, maybe a little younger. He comes up the stairs with me (by 'with me' I mean with me behind him, holding on to his shirt, whimpering. Did I already mention what a scaredy cat I am? I did? Oh, good.
We get up there, he sizes up the situation, reaches up, unlocks the SECOND hook and eye lock on the door, conventiently located about 2 inches below the first lock. He then gives me a pitying look. Which is way better than a smirk, if you have to choose.
Yeah, I scared the absolute crap out of myself and a dog and then hid behind my CHILD.
Beat that bitches!
For the record, the kid was used to it, he's been removing or killing bugs for me since he was old enough to walk.
Because the only thing I hate worse than an evil spirit or ax murderer hiding in my attic just waiting to kill us all in our sleep? Are things with more than 4 legs. And things with 8 legs? Are the devil.
I grew up in a creaky old house, too. Come to think of it, I still live in one.