Yesterday, my cousin (we'll call her Stumpy) sent me an email with an attachment that showed a young man putting the stem of a bottle rocket between his cheeks (and I do not refer to the ones on either side of his nose here, folks).

       It then showed the young man lighting said bottle rocket. I will say no more about it except to say that the young man lived to emasculate and/or kill himself another day.

 

        This is the e-mail I sent in response:

      Ah, that special time of year. The leaves are turning all the colors of
the rainbow (ok *most* of the colors of the rainbow), the smell of Autumn is in the air, there's a  nip in the air, kids are shooting fireworks out of
their asse...wha..??

     Thank you dear cousin, for reminding us of all that is joyful and special
about this season.

      Crazy bitch.

     Warmly, your older (and apparently way more fucking mature) cousin


   

     This was her response to my response:

      Is it wrong that I send you things to evoke THIS very response? And I am never disappointed at your eloquent skills of dealing with me. And it feels like victory if I can... actually evoke curse words from you. Is that so wrong? I love you dearly... if it helps any. You're my Thelma... remember? Love, Louisie